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John Rosemond is America's most widely-read parenting authority! He is a best-selling author, columnist, speaker, and family psychologist. Index | Archives | About John Rosemond | Books | Submit A Question |
Taking bunny away only adds to tot's feelings of insecurity Q: I work at a church day care where a 13-month-old child is having difficulty adjusting. She has a rash around her mouth from constant pacifier use. In addition, she uses a bunny made from a blanket to stroke her cheek I when she feels threatened or insecure. The head teacher decided to limit her from both the pacifier and the bunny. Both pacifier and bunny are now given only during nap and then removed when she wakes up. Although she has improved somewhat after being in our room for six weeks, she still cries most of the time. Is cold turkey the best way to wean her from the bunny and the pacifier? Her mother has said she would like our help getting rid of them. Your thoughts?
I think that everyone needs to stop making mountains out of molehills and pay attention to the volcano that is bubbling in the middle of this day care center. As you are doing, limit the pacifier to naptime, but give the blanket-bunny back to this child. Meanwhile, talk to the mom about the adjustment problems. Suggest that she take a week off from work to come and sit in the day care with her daughter. During this time, other staff should come over and interact with child and mother together, helping to gradually “wean” the child away from mom and help the child become involved in some of the class activities and possibilities. This will help the child transfer some of her security needs from mom to staff and should begin to get that volcano under control.
Q: My 3-year-old is a control freak. She's usually very agreeable and obeys the first time more often than not. However, she often attempts to control her surroundings by telling me where to go, to move my leg a certain way when she’s on my lap, to park the car in a certain place, and so on. I do not indulge her every time, far from it, but if it's a harmless request and she says please, is cooperating with her a problem? A: You are in a mild, but threatening, state of denial. Your daughter is most definitely not attempting to control “her surroundings” as you put it. She is obviously attempting to control YOU. I would strongly caution you against letting her think she can direct ANY of your behavior ANY of the time. As it stands, you are on the verge of creating a monster. Please don’t make it necessary for me to tell you, five years from now, “I told you so.” When she tells you to move your leg a certain way when she’s on your lap, ask her, “Whose leg is that? Right! It’s my leg. If you don’t like the way I’m holding my leg, then you can get down off my lap.” When she tells you to park the car in a certain place, say, “I am driving the car. I will park the car where I want to park the car. But thank you for the suggestion.” Period. End of “conversations.” She’s obviously very intelligent, probably gifted, so she’s going to quickly realize that there’s a new sheriff in town. Just keep in mind that there is only one thing more obnoxious than a child who thinks she can control adults, and that is a gifted child who thinks she can control adults. |
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